Mad Love
by WordsxLikexWeapons
Summary: Kristina is in a fwb ( friends with benefits) relationship with Dean Ambrose. She wants more than just his friendship though. After another one night stand, as he's leaving, it hits her ( and him) and rather than talk about it, both of these stubborn little shits proceed to do the things that result in an angst filled love plot with a few twists ( and more awkwardness).
1. The Beginning Of The End

...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just **misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo**

 **A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?**

 **Anyway, I split up the POV and I write OFC's POV in first person (I/Me) and Dean's in 3rd which is weird but it's how I do things and I'm used to it that way. I hope this won't confuse anyone. I've never posted anything on before, so if it's trash, I'm sorry?**

 **If there are any triggers, I will tag them here at the beginning of the chapter so no one gets triggered or upset by anything I've written.**

 **PLOT:**

 **Kristina is in a fwb ( friends with benefits) relationship with Dean Ambrose. She wants more than just his friendship though. After another one night stand, as he's leaving, it hits her ( and him) and rather than talk about it, both of these stubborn little shits proceed to do the things that result in an angst filled love plot with some comedic relief (and awkwardness of course) along the way. Will they finally get themselves together? Or will things take a completely different turn with the introduction of another interested party in the mix?**

* * *

He sat up and started to re dress and I bit my tongue. No strings attached means exactly that.. No strings. No commitment. No laying around in each others arms for hours after a night like tonight, watching the candles flicker on the walls while you whisper things to each other. The fact that I felt something for him meant nothing. There was nothing I could do about it because we both agreed to all this months ago after that first wild and passionate night.

But it didn't mean I had to like it.

It didn't mean I couldn't wish and hope that maybe one day, he'd change his mind, maybe he'd want more. Even though I knew going in that he wouldn't.

"See you around."  
"Yeah." I answered, biting my lip, hesitating. I almost leaned in for a kiss, I almost asked him to stay but instead, I kept quiet.

I heard the door closing downstairs as he left and I just broke down.. I think I laid there for at least two hours and I just sobbed. My phone rang and I rolled over, answered it. "Becky, hey."

"What's wrong wid ya?"

"Nothing, I just.."

"Did ye two 'ave a fight?"

"No."

"Ah thought 'e was comin over. Did ye talk to 'im about how ya felt?"

"I.. I couldn't." I rolled over onto my back, pulling the sheet up over me as I sighed and twisted a strand of hair around my fingertip.

"And why da 'ell not? Do I needa talk to 'im?"

I wiped away tears and laughed quietly. "This isn't like when we were kids, Becks."

"Da 'ell et isn't."

"I'm just gonna end things I think." and even as I said the words, it hurt. I felt like I was stabbing myself in the heart. I _loved_ him.

But I didn't honestly think that he could ever just settle and love me.

"Maybe endin things is for da best." Becky sighed, I could tell she didn't want to say it because she didn't want to hurt me.. But Becky has been my best friend since I was 14 and my mom moved me all the way to Ireland because she remarried a military guy and we got the house next door to Becky's family.

Becky and I have been through a lot together, she's like the sister I never got to have.

"Maybe you're right." the words were spoken softly and tentatively and I wasn't even sure I'd be able to do it. "Maybe I do need to just end it. Maybe it will be for the best." I felt the tears coming again and Becky sighed.

"Ah'm on m'way. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, right? And Sons of Anarchy?"

I managed a smile and wiped at my eyes. "You don't have to do that, Becks, it's almost 3."

* * *

Dean lingered at the door for at least three minutes, staring back up the stairs. Deep down he knew where he wanted to be, but that wasn't what she wanted.. If she wanted things to be different, he had to believe she'd say something, she'd do something to make them different.

… ' _Sides.. even if she did, you know ya wouldn't ever be good enough for her… and sooner or later, she'd run like hell… they all run like hell when ya get too intense_. The taunting of his mind was another big reason he found himself walking out the door and driving away.

When he got home, he poured himself a good measure of Jack and he slammed it back, feeling the bitterness and the burn as it made it's way down his throat. "Maybe I oughta avoid her a while.. Stop doin this every single time one of us is a little too lonely. Because the more it happens, the more I don't wanna leave at the end and I can't fuck up another thing."

He flopped down onto his bed and took a long and deep breath and he made up his mind.. Rather than try, rather than completely fuck something up, he was going to stop their little arrangement, he was going to avoid her and he was going to do his best to move past it, save her from the misery that he was a lot of the time.

It was just better this way.

* * *

[ two weeks later - Kristina]

"And now we know.. All I was to him was a convenient piece of ass whenever he wanted. I mean look at him over there, laughing and smiling and not caring.. Meanwhile, I'm over here and I feel like I'm dying." I shook my head and sighed bitterly, signaling for another mixed drink. Becky eyed me with a raised brow and I raised my glass. "To getting over him.. Finally."

She eyed me and we clinked glasses and I slammed the drink back and stretched, eyes darting around the crowded club.

I wasn't expecting my eyes to find his and I wasn't expecting him to already be staring at me. I quickly dropped my gaze and feigned interest in the countertop in front of me as I fought back tears again.

"Maybe ye needed ta. Ah mean et's been two weeks and he hasn't called, hasn't tried talkin to ya." Becky eyed me and I nodded. "It's just.. Harder than I thought it would be, okay? I'm fine, I swear. I just have to work through this, I have to stop wanting what we were never going to be in the first place."

"Want me ta go over and beat his arse?" Finn asked as he glared at Dean and all I could do was shake my head no. "Guys, I love you both but it's over.. Just let it go. He didn't do anything to me, okay? I fucked up.. I got attached and I knew that's not what he wanted. It's better this way."

Even as I said the words out loud, I knew I didn't mean them. For him, yeah it's better.. For me, not so much. I still feel like this is going to kill me..But friends with benefits only means that.. And he pretty much said a time or two he wasn't cut out for an actual relationship.. And I _know_ I'm not.

* * *

[two weeks later – Dean]

"She was fuckin usin me. Can we stop discussin it now, huh?" Dean slammed his fist down on the tabletop, earning him a raised brow from Jimmy and Jey. Naomi shook her head, sipping her drink as she mused aloud, "You are both messy. This stuff does _not_ work. I mean they made an entire movie about why this very thing _never works_ , Dean. One of you always wants more in the end." as she toyed with the straw in her drink and stared down her husband's friend. Jimmy nodded with her in agreement and told Dean, "My woman's got a point. Have you even tried talkin to her though?"

"What the hell would I wanna do that for, huh? If she wanted more she woulda tried.. Somethin."

"Typical." Naomi snorted and Dean glared. Naomi went on to explain, "She wouldn't if she was afraid that asking for what she really wanted meant she'd lose you, you _stupid_ assface. We're not like y'all, okay? There's emotions attached in sex for us. All I know is when we were all in NXT, man… She looked at you like you were the best thing alive."

"She did not. Didn't even know who I was until we got off our face drunk and kinda slept together that first time." Dean insisted, finding himself staring across the bar as he sipped his Jack Daniels and tried to fight the urge he had, he wanted to walk over to her so badly he could taste it.

"You really are blind as fuck." the twins snorted in laughter and Dean eyed them, then looked back at Kristina, shaking his head. If she really wanted him, she'd have cracked by now, called or something. She wouldn't be out at a bar with Balor and Lynch having drinks.

Just the fact that she was even friends with Finn Balor was enough to make the most primal jealousy surge through him and lately, it had only gotten worse. Lately, Kristina never seemed to be anywhere without Becky or Finn and Sami.

"What's she gonna want my ass for anyway. She's got that guy." Dean gestured to Finn and Jimmy and Jey shared a laugh.

"You do know he's dating some other girl, right?"

"And?"

"Dean, just hush now before I tape your mouth shut." Naomi shook her head and finished off her drink as Jey mused aloud, "One of you should at least try to say something about what happened.. If you want more."

"I don't." Dean practically growled the words, even knowing that as he said them they were a complete lie. He wanted more.

He just didn't feel like he _deserved_ more.


	2. Failure To Move Forward

...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just **misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo**

 **A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?**

 **Anyway, I split up the POV and I write OFC's POV in first person (I/Me) and Dean's in 3rd which is weird but it's how I do things and I'm used to it that way. I hope this won't confuse anyone. I've never posted anything on before, so if it's trash, I'm sorry?**

 **If there are any triggers, I will tag them here at the beginning of the chapter so no one gets triggered or upset by anything I've written.**

 **PLOT:**

 **Kristina is in a fwb ( friends with benefits) relationship with Dean Ambrose. She wants more than just his friendship though. After another one night stand, as he's leaving, it hits her ( and him) and rather than talk about it, both of these stubborn little shits proceed to do the things that result in an angst filled love plot with some comedic relief (and awkwardness of course) along the way. Will they finally get themselves together? Or will things take a completely different turn with the introduction of another interested party in the mix?**

* * *

The door to her hotel room was open and some old rock song was playing quietly from within and even though he shouldn't, even though he swore to himself that he was avoiding her and it was for the best and that's just how it had to be, he couldn't stop himself from leaning in the doorway quietly as he watched her dancing around the room.

… _looks like she's got a date_ …

… _did you really think she wanted you, man?_ …

… _she's probably relieved this is all over_ …

On accident, something fell off the table next to him and he flattened himself against the wall beside the door, hopefully she wouldn't see him.

… _she's too damn busy to notice ya_ …

… _it's been a month, man… not a call, not a text, nothing_ …

Finn stepped out of his hotel room and growled to himself as he saw Dean standing next to Kristina's door. "Ambrose. Sod off."

"Fuck yourself." Dean snapped and he squared up, eye to eye with Finn before suddenly stepping back and grumbling to himself as he made sure to add hastily seconds later, "I was just leavin anyway, fuckin asshole." and away he stormed, down the hallway, slamming the door to his own hotel room behind him promptly.

He leaned heavily on the other side and then worked on the mix of emotions he was feeling. They ranged from emptiness and hurt to bitterness and jealousy. What the fuck did Kristina see in that muscled up asshole Finn anyway?

He swung at the door and swore as he shook his hand out, the door had been harder than he'd thought it would be and punching it probably not the smartest thing to do.. and then he uncapped the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the table with a bow on the neck. Jack had gotten it for him earlier, a Christmas present.

It looked like it was going to come in handy tonight.

Down the hallway, Kristina was totally oblivious of everything.. But getting ready to go out with Becky and some of the others to at least try to pull herself out of the void she'd been feeling lately before it consumed her..

And Finn was watching her from the doorway, smiling to himself as he did so.. He'd never noticed certain thing about his old friend before and looking at her lately, it was like seeing her in a new light, in a better one. Things hadn't worked out between Finn and the girl he'd been seeing and lately, he and Kristina had sort of been a comfort to each other. Nothing physical, just two people who were hurting really badly and trying to deal with it and having no success doing it alone.

He stepped into the room and cleared his throat, flashing her a grin. "Are ye 'bout ready ta get down to da bar wid da rest?"

* * *

"Yeah, just give me a second. I gotta find my other shoes." I called out to Finn from the bathroom. I stepped out and blushed all over when I found myself pressed against him, he was holding out my shoe to me. "Dis 'ne?" he asked me with an amused expression on his face and I bit my lip. His eyes are this intense blue and I was only just now really noticing it for some reason. The nagging guilt I felt seconds later was the big cause of me stepping away quickly and giving a quiet cough as I dragged my hand through my hair and looked up at him. "Which bar are we supposed to be meeting them all at again? Like, I think Becky sent me the name and directions for my GPS but I accidentally removed the message from my phone.. I was umm.. I was cleaning out my phone."

Finn nodded and chuckled. "Ye don't 'ave to explain anythin to me."

"I know I just.. I guess if I keep reminding myself, I won't cave in?" I pondered the thought aloud. Last night had been a hard one, the hardest yet. I unpacked my stuff and I found Dean's t shirt in my things and it was one I hadn't gotten around to washing and it smelled exactly like his cologne and I held it and cried myself to sleep.

Until last night, I'd been feeling a little bit better. Last night set me way back and I found myself for a good hour there, picking up my phone and staring at it, starting texts and then erasing them before I could hit the SEND button.

Then, this morning.. I couldn't avoid it, Dean and I showed up at the same fast food place at the same time and seeing him just… have you ever wanted to run and jump into a person's arms before, to grab hold and never let go?

I had to make myself leave without any breakfast because it took literally everything in me NOT to run over to him and just pour out my soul. I think the only thing that did stop me was remembering what he'd told me a time or two before, how he 'wasn't the kind who wanted to settle down' and 'relationships were bullshit' and he 'didn't know how to love someone properly'.. Not in those exact words as far as the last statement but… The meaning was there and my own mindset being so similar, I got it and I knew exactly what he meant.

And that's when it started to hurt me. By the last night we were together, the constant knowledge that he'd never even try to let himself be loved or to love someone else it just… It was literally crushing me. Because I wanted to love him and I wanted him to love me back.

… _you said the same thing too, genius… that night you two started all this?… really can't hold him to fault because he agreed and told you up front_ …

… _at least he didn't lie to you like most other men would have_ …

Finn broke through my thoughts, hugging me, - a little tighter than usual I noticed, and he told me calmly, "Ye won't because I won't let ye."

"Thank you.." I mumbled, the sound was muffled against his blazer and I exhaled sharply, taking a breath or two to sort of center myself before stepping out of the lingering hug that just didn't feel like Dean's arms always seemed to.

… _you have got to stop this, you're hanging on, you're comparing what was never yours to have from the start to guys who could actually be yours… who might actually want you! do you not see how insane that is?_ …

… _the heart wants what the heart wants… and Finn is amazing but… he's just always been your best friend and to try to make something happen when you know you don't and you won't ever feel the same way about him as you do Dean… it's only going to cost you a friend… Keep this platonic for Christ sake, don't be weak and crawl into bed with him too!_ ….

Finn cleared his throat and held out his arm and I slid my arm into it, let him lead me out of my hotel room. As we walked past Dean's open door, I did my best to keep my eyes off of his room.. I'm pretty sure it didn't matter, he was probably already gone anyway, he never closes door behind him.

It's like nothing scares him.

* * *

Dean watched them walk by and it took all he had not to walk out, to keep from stopping them in the hall and punching Finn Balor in that smug looking face of his. In the end, Dean reminded himself that if he did that, not only would it upset Kristina, then he'd have to deal with seeing her with another guy, a better guy, one who could actually make her happy, give her what she deserved and what he didn't think he'd ever really be able to.

Still though, it didn't stop him from throwing the bottle in his hands against the far wall of his hotel room or punching the door after he slammed it shut. Five minutes later found Jimmy and Jey knocking, Jack Swagger in tow.

"C'mon. Get your ass out of this room. Look, you our boy and all uce, but… all of this shit is kind of on you.. And her, but you don't have to keep quiet. You could talk to her, man." Jimmy told Dean as Jey tossed clothes at him and pointed to the bathroom.

"I'm not fuckin going out."

"In that bathroom, uce or we'll throw your ass in.. Looking like a damn hobo and shit, your hair all greasy and the same damn sweats ya had on at the gym? Uce.. You want the girl back, right?"

"Fuckin butt outta this."

"He wants her back.. But handling it all like this," Jack swept his arms wide as he spoke.. "It's not the way, man. I thought lunatics didn't get scared… Here you are, hiding away like a little bitch."

If Jimmy and Jey hadn't grabbed the two, Dean probably would have drunkenly lunged and swung at Jack but Jack smirked because the end result was the one they wanted when they came to drag Dean out.. Dean was showered, sobering up and ready to go out with them when he stepped out of the bathroom again.

"Where are we goin?"

"Probably the arcade in town.. Kofi and some of the other guys want to play laser tag. Thought you might wanna hit the batting cages or something, find a way to get rid of your pent up feelings man." Jack chuckled as Dean glared and growled, "I don't have pent up feelings, god damn it."

"Riiight.. That's why you were over here acting like a little bitch, throwing shit around your room in the dark while drunk off your ass."

"Swagger?"

"Yeah?"

"Remind me to punch ya in the fuckin dick later."

"I don't give a flying fuck as long as you leave this room and come out with us.. hell man, she's not the only girl on Earth, you might even meet a better one!"

"I don't want a better one. I want her."

"THEN TELL HER DUMBASS!" the twins gave their friend an exasperated eye roll as they yelled it at Dean at the same time. Dean flipped them off and grabbed his key card..

…. _if she's movin on, you might as well… because you'd only fuck it up, you'd only scare her… you're not good enough, you'll never be good enough!_ …


	3. Memories Linger

...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just **misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo**

 **A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?**

 **Aaand they finally interact.. But it's not much. And the next chapter ( which I am brainstorming rn rn,) is going to frustrate/upset anyone who ships Kristina and Dean and wants them to just hurry and be together already.. Trust me, I took it easy on you guys this chapter. Just angst and a moment with Dean and Kristina.**

* * *

The grip he had on his bottle only got tighter as he watched them dancing, watched Finn daring to rub her body against his. Dean wanted to go over and drag her out of the bar, away from Finn and back to his hotel room. But each time he decided to get up and walk over, he'd chicken out at the last second, his mind would go back to their conversation the morning after the first night they fell into bed with each other.

… _she doesn't want you… you don't deserve her… and if you had her, man, you know you'd only fuck it up somehow… you'd cling too hard, you'd push and you'd do too much and it would be like that last girl and you'd just be alone again_ … he growled in frustration at himself as he shotgunned the rest of the beer and stood clumsily.

"I'm fuckin leavin."

"Pussy." Jack replied with the most demure of facial expressions as he held his friends gaze and nodded at the stool and then at Kristina and Finn as they danced a few feet away. After a few seconds, Jack spoke again. "All you have to do, buddy, is walk over and say something."

"She looks happy with that musclebound asshole." Dean grumbled as he winced at the bitterness in the mixed drink the bartender sat down in front of him. He eyed the glass and the bartender told him with a wink, "Girl at the end of the bar sends her love." and Dean's eyes traveled down to the end of the bar and he chuckled, shaking his head. "Fuck it.. YOLO or some shit." he muttered as Jack clapped his shoulders and then ordered another beer for himself. "Maybe attempting to look as if you're movin on too will do something.." Jack suggested as Dean found himself watching Kristina again, the surge of jealousy growing in the pit of his stomach. "I'm not lookin, okay?"

"So then you're stuck being a miserable shithead. Because you won't make the first move and you won't pretend that you're moving on and that you're not hung up on her. In what world, Ambrose does that make any sort of fucking sense?"

"Swagger?"

"S'up buddy?"

"Shut your face and drink your beer." Dean snapped as he went back to nursing the bittersweet mixed drink in front of him, glancing down the bar to the curvy blonde that bought it for him and had it sent down to him.

 _If this were the old days,_ he mused to himself, _he'd have her out in the alley behind the bar pounding her nine ways to sunday_ … but he didn't want that. What he wanted was to go back to that one night, the perfection that was laying there after, Kristina's long legs tangled in his, his fingers tangled in her long and curly dark hair, listening to the rain outside. Or the next morning.. When they had the conversation that set the tone for everything following that morning.. if he could go back and he could go back knowing then what he knew now, he thought to himself, he never would have agreed to the stupid fucking friends with benefits idea.

A few drinks later and he was stumbling to the bathroom and crashing blindly into people as he went.. which is how he wound up knocking down Kristina and landing right on top of her….

* * *

I was coming out of the bathroom and before I realized what was happening, I had fallen and Dean, who was obviously too sloppy to function at the moment, was on top of me, he'd knocked us both down. I bit my lip and stared up at him. He leaned down and his lips were literally thisclose to mine and I gulped, putting my hand on his chest. "Please don't." the words came as more of a question than a firm command because his cologne filled my nose and his stubble was grazing my face and his body just felt so fucking amazing against mine and I wanted him, holding me, kissing me, saying dirty things to me, telling me he loved me.. I wanted to be able to hold him, run my fingers through his hair, leave scratches and bite marks all over him and be able to tell him I loved him and I wasn't going anywhere but I knew what would happen.. I'd lose him if I dared even try it.

He blinked and eyed me and I raised to sit up and our lips brushed. My lips burned to latch onto his, pull them in deeper, let my tongue slip past… I wanted to kiss him so badly that I actually whimpered at just the thought. He slid his hands down my body and rested them at my hip. "Glad to see ya happy." he muttered drunkenly, biting his lip as he looked like he wanted to say something else entirely.

Becky was calling my name and Dean stood, hauling me up. "I'm sorry." I raised to tiptoe, my hand lingering at his chest, his hand lingering at my back. Becky called my name again, more urgently this time, it was part of our agreement after Dean and the guys came in tonight.. If I was ever around him alone at any point, she call my name and get my attention. If that didn't work, she could walk over and get me or something.

I just didn't trust myself around him with the booze in my system and the way I missed him so much and the strength of everything I felt for him coursing through my veins like the last remaining bits of a drug binge.

He was my addiction and I was trying to quit the best I could. Getting too close would only wind up hurting me because I knew he'd never accept the fact that I loved him and he might not even love me back.. how did I know this wasn't just sex for him?

"I just wish ya were happy with me, not that jerk." Dean mumbled bitterly as he made his way to the pool table in the back that Jack and Baron had a game going on at. Dean found himself watching for her and when he spotted the red of her dress, he bit his lip and just stared, the memory of the taste of her lips burned in, the urge to go over and really kiss her, to pick her up over his shoulders and carry her out of here at an all time high.

"If you go talk to her, dumbass." Jack nudged him and as Dean turned to look at Jack and retort with some kind of scathing comeback, he happened to see Finn in a deep conversation with his ex. Dean stood there, arms crossed, watching it as it went down. And when Finn stormed away from the girl a few seconds later, Dean bit his lip and mumbled to himself, "Interesting.." as he found himself watching Finn walk up behind Kristina on the dance floor and Kristina hugging Finn. He growled to himself.

"She don't want me. Besides, I'd only fuck it up." Dean mused bitterly as he grabbed his jacket and then said calmly, "Going for a smoke."

"Going to pout and brood is more like it, buttercup. Do you want the girl or not, Ambrose?" Jack's words stopped him and Dean turned, glaring. "The fuck kinda question is that?"

"It's a good one.. do you want the girl, or not?"

"Yeah.. what about it?"

"Then standing back and doing nothing while Finn swoops in with that accent and whatever he's packing in his jeans and his being a 'good guy' buddy.. It's only gonna make you lose her.. Trust me… if you fight just a little you might be surprised.. because between you and me? She's not into Finn."

"How the fuck can ya tell?"

"If she were, man, when they were dancing she wouldn't have kept moving his hands when he tried to put them on her ass.. And every time he slides his arm around her… Do you know anything about the mindset of a girl at all? Or are you an actual potato?"

Dean fixed his eyes on Finn and Kristina and he growled when he saw Finn's hand slipping ever so slightly down Kristina's back, almost to her ass. But he smirked a little to himself when he saw Kristina back away a little and move so that his hands stayed on her back as they danced.. And she wasn't even putting her head on his chest, Dean noticed… And he remembered the one and only time she got him to dance with her…

( on a morning after )

 _He rolled his eyes at the song as it played but that pout on her lips was enough to entice him to do pretty much anything she might ask. When she held out her hand in the kitchen of his apartment, he let her think she was pulling him up. He laughed when she had to stand on the tops of his feet just to even be chest level with him and his arms slid around her, his hands going straight to her ass, squeezing._

 _She gave this giggle, it was the cutest thing he'd ever heard.. Not that he'd dare admit it or anything but.. it was one of his favorite sounds to hear after that day.. and then, out of the blue, it happened.. Her head settled against his chest and she gave this quiet little purr as she looked up a moment, her lips finding his._

 _That morning was when things started to change in regards to how she made him feel.. it was also the last night she spent a night and was still there when they woke up the next morning because they'd thought that if they stayed like they always seemed to want to, one of them would get uncomfortable.. Or , deep down he thought that he'd do too much, feel too much and say too much and somehow, he'd fuck things up.._

 _Until then, **NONE** of the girls he'd ever danced with had bothered doing that. And to his surprise, he liked it, it felt good, it made him smile a little, it made his heart beat a little faster even if he'd die before ever admitting to it._

( end of flashback)

* * *

I thought going out tonight would help me, would make me see that I needed to just move on already. But when he fell on me and our lips brushed, all it did was make me see exactly how much I missed him and just how hard I'd fallen. There was so much I wanted to say but when I tried, the words stuck in my throat. I tried to pretend I was okay for the rest of the night but I think I felt better when I was finally back in my own hotel room, stripping down, getting ready for bed.

UNSENT TEXT → I miss you so much.

UNSENT TEXT → I can't sleep without you.. I mean there's this one t shirt you left at my place but… the scent of you is fading and I can't… It's not the same.

I scowled at my phone screen and shoved my head beneath the pillow.. And my dreams were filled with multiple scenarios that could have happened if only I'd just said something, if I only just ignored Becky calling my name and forced myself to talk to Dean instead, stopped being so afraid to lose him and finally tell him the truth.

… _but he told you that he didn't want anything more than sex and friendship. you're doing the right thing_ … I mused internally, but I also found myself wondering… if I was doing the right thing then why the hell did it feel so damn wrong?


	4. How Far Can We Go

...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just **misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo**

 **A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?**

 **Aaand they finally interact.. But it's not much. And the next chapter ( which I am brainstorming rn rn,) is going to frustrate/upset anyone who ships Kristina and Dean and wants them to just hurry and be together already.. Trust me, I took it easy on you guys this chapter. Just angst and a moment with Dean and Kristina.**

* * *

I found myself watching them, his hands were all over her. I mean it was painfully obvious they were both really, really intoxicated, but.. It still hurt. I still felt this twist in my gut and I wanted to walk over and pull the two apart.

Finn pulled me closer and deliberately turned us away from the sight and I sighed quietly. "Sorry. Maybe this was a bad idea." I mumbled as Finn shook his head and then replied calmly, "Ever 'avin anythin ta do wid 'im was da bad idea. Can't stand that fookin prick. And 'e hurt you." as his hands smoothed over my hair and down my back. I took a few deep breaths and I looked up at Finn and managed my best smile but internally, I was going back to it, one of the last times I'd been with Dean.. Something felt different between us, even then but I couldn't put my finger on it.. As Finn and I were forced to turn and I was forced to see Dean and the blonde with her hands all over him pawing at each other and kissing like they couldn't get enough of each other, it hit me and it hit me hard…

" _Ya did it again.. Ya dodged me." Dean stared down into Kristina's eyes, his hands pinning hers on either side of her head as he leaned down, his lips ghosting down her neck. Kristina bit her lip and then sighed quietly. "We both know what this is, Dean.. Kissing isn't going to change that and I…." her voice trailed off and he put it out of his head. It was the first time in a week he'd gotten her to himself during their downtime and he wanted to enjoy it, not spend it fighting again._

 _But he didn't get why kissing him or not kissing him was such a deal breaker, really. It was just a kiss, right?_

 _Rather than fuck things up and argue, make tension, he pushed the thought into the back of his mind and he concentrated more on the moment itself and how he felt. Because if he tried to figure out how she felt beyond how good he was making her feel, then things got complicated._

 _Then they were fighting and lately, it seemed to happen a lot. After that one night he slept over at her place and woke up holding her the next morning, it seemed like they were avoiding each other or arguing._

 _He didn't like it._

 _He didn't want things to end, to get so bad that it was either walk away or destroy each other._

 _He tried again, because he just couldn't resist, he wanted to kiss her so badly that his lips were tingling, but then he reminded himself… he had agreed to this, after all.. And if he voiced his frustrations with the arrangement now, he wouldn't have Kristina at all._

 _And as bad as it sounded, as pathetic as it made him feel, he'd rather have her like this and only like this than not have her at all. She comforted him, she balanced him out, she was warm and caring and bubbly and she didn't ask for anything.. He'd had a nightmare once at the beginning and she'd actually bought him out of the dark place his mind went during._

 _He couldn't lose that because if he lost that, he'd lose everything._

 _And he'd already lost everything too damn many times before._

I'd gotten lost in my thoughts and staring because I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I was staring and it was killing me, but Finn turning us away from Dean and his 'distraction' for the night was enough to bring me out of my own head. "Et'll be alright. Ye will see." Finn spoke the words soothingly and I wanted to believe them, I really did but deep down, I knew differently.. Nothing was going to be okay unless it was Dean.

Dean was it for me, but he'd never willingly let someone close enough to hurt him, I knew him a little too well and I knew that.

… _and you won't either because all you can see is another way you'll get hurt or another way that the person you love will leave or you won't be good enough somehow_ …

"Finn?"

"Yeah?" Finn's voice was husky and his body felt like a slight comfort, a distraction I desperately needed. He was my friend but he'd been there for me and I guess I just felt like I should at least try, give him a chance.

Because apparently, if the current scenario across the bar was anything to go by, Dean was letting Moxley out to play tonight and Moxley gave zero fucks about anyone or anything but his own good time.. Moxley was the side of him he used when he wanted to be untouchable, unbreakable. I could just sense that Dean wasn't being himself.. I saw him sling the blonde over his shoulder and make this big show about carrying her out of the bar and quietly, I asked Finn, "Do you want to get out of here?"

He nodded and smiling, he lead me out of the bar and up to our rooms...

* * *

Dean thought that if she was happy, if she was moving on then maybe he should too. And he felt used, he felt like their whole time together had been cheapened somehow because she had a five second rebound rate and she was with Finn fuckin Balor of all people.

When he saw the two coming out of the bar together, he couldn't resist it. He called out to Finn, "Have a good time. I know I did." and Finn was standing chest to chest with him in seconds, staring him down. He nodded to the blonde with legs akimbo slung over Dean's shoulders and snickered. "Esn't dat da pot callin da kettle black dere, Ambrose?" the Irishman scoffed and Dean swore, glaring at Finn as he smirked. "Fuck you, Devitt. This was ya fuckin plan all along. So go on, enjoy it.. But don't get too close.. She gets real skittish when ya try that."

Finn shoved at Dean as soon as Dean had stood the blonde on her own feet and Dean shoved back, angry. "Ya fuckin took her. Then again, that was ya fuckin plan the whole time, wasn't it? Waltz right in and worm ya way in, usin the fact that the two of ya grew up together.."

Finn chuckled and rolled his eyes at Dean. It was obvious at this point that Dean was drunk and as a result, he was erratic. "And da sad fact of et, Ambrose? Ye don't know 'er at all. Ta even think dat for a second. Ye know nothin. Ah didn't needa plan ta take 'er, yer doin a good 'nough job at fookin everything up yerself. Whaddya need me for, hmm?"

Kristina was running over and she was between them, trying to stop the argument but Becky got her off to the side and away. Dean and Finn were just about to throw down but luckily, Swagger and Jey Uso saw and walked over, getting Dean and Finn away from each other, each male glaring at Finn.

"Like it ain't bad enough ya fuckin took his girl, now ya try to kick his ass when he's drunk off his face? You are nothin like all these people think you are. If they had a fuckin clue, man." and Finn snickered and shrugged. "Comin from da idiots who believe dat idiot, - _he nodded to Dean who flipped him off and fought against Jey's grip on him at the time_ \- it amuses me."

"Finn, we need to go. Now… This isn't.. It's not worth it, okay? It's obvious Dean's off to have his fun." Kristina said the words as calmly as possible but the look on her face is what stayed with Dean, even after the whole incident was over and he was up in his room with the blonde from the bar.

"Those people are fuckin stupid baby… Obviously, that bitch had a problem if she threw you away.. But if you want me, baby" the blonde rubbed against him as she rubbed his shoulders from behind, her tits dragging along his back in an obvious effort to seduce him, "I'm all yours."

Dean slid off the bed, grabbing the blonde by the elbow. "I can't fuckin do this. Outta here." he pointed into the hallway, the blonde staring at him with wide and confused eyes. "You're kicking me out? Fine, you just lay here and you mourn that little uptight bitch.. Pretty sure she's letting Finn lay the pipe to her, most girls like that do.. But don't come looking for me when you realize I'm.." he slammed the door shut in her face, effectively cutting her sentence off and flipped the door off as he uncapped the bottle and took a huge swig from it, flopping down onto the bed.

* * *

The elevator slid open and Finn and I stepped off, stopping in front of my door. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding and I was trying not to break down as I pictured exactly what Dean was down in his own room doing. My stomach churned bitterly at the memory of seeing him and the blonde he'd been with at the bar all over him. I sighed and shook my head and slid my keycard in the lock, turning to look up at Finn who was leaned in close, smiling at me.

… _you don't have to do this… just because he is right now, doesn't mean you trash another friendship and hurt more people because you're hurting_ …

I stepped out of the door, wordlessly letting him into the room. The door closed behind us lightly and I gave him a friendly hug. "Thank you.. For being such a great friend and for standing up and saying all that down there."

"Ah could be more den yer friend, Krissy." Finn was closer now, his hands lightly at my hips. I swallowed hard and my heart rate picked up and I bit my lip. "Finn, I… It's too soon, okay? This all still hurts."

"Dat bastard wasn't ever good enough for ya in da first place."

"Finn.." I sighed quietly and shook my head. "The whole thing was my doing, remember? I'm the one who set the whole 'rules' into place when we started our thing. It's my own fault I'm hurting, not his."

Finn scoffed but he nodded at me, I think he didn't want to fight. I didn't want to fight either. Biting my lip, I told him quietly, "I thought I could do this, I thought I could cross this line but I can't… I'm sorry.."

"Yer right.. Ah saw my ex earlier and she was wid another guy.. Ah think ah just wanted ta forget.." Finn was looking at his hands as he spoke, that apologetic look on his face. I nodded. "Look, if anything did happen, we both know it wouldn't be right.. It wouldn't be fair to us or to them.."

"Et wouldn't. And ah don't feel da way ah feel about you dat I do about 'er."

He hugged me and asked me again if I was sure I'd be alright and then he stepped out of the door, leaving me to lean against it after locking it behind me. I flopped across my bed and turned on the television and I tried not to imagine Dean down in his room, doing whatever he was doing with the blonde he'd been leaving the bar with.

All I could think about the entire time was how badly I messed up, how much I regretted it.. How much I wish I'd never set those stupid rules out for us and how messed up it was that I had. And if tonight was anything to go by, I might just be losing him for good.

The thought had me numb. I literally didn't know what to do.


End file.
